wanna know what a cow looks like washed and blow dried?
that is what a cow looks like washed and blow dried
FLUFFY MILK HORSE
it’s a fucking sculpture I almost shat a goddamn cathedral I thought the serpent lords had come to reclaim the fucking earth
"i almost shat a goddamn cathedral"
when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to be prepared!’
everyone lost their shit and i got second place
If you got second place who got first… Did they talk about fire safety and burn the stage down or something
*grabs my own ass* nice
(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Someone should just cut it off and run
the most comforting words a father can say